probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
