I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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