and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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