either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
