Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
