I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Randomize
