just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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