you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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