possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
