So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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