Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
