I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
