is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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