Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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