We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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