I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize