man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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