The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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