Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
