My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
