I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
