Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
