Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
