Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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