i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
