It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
