You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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