There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
