you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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