I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
