so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
