Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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