somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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