She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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