grandma shit on top of the toilet
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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