Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
