i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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