I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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