just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
