That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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