Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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