i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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