You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
