You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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