Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
