I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
