your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
