Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
