when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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