it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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