you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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