why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
