let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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