This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
