I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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