Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize