He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
