I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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