Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
my poor anus
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
