Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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