highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
