yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
