I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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