No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
