hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You left your phone here
Wait...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
