Me too!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
