those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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