she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
