yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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