Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
