I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize