I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My breasts were aching with rage.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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