you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize